Sleepless In Birmingham!

Not quite the same ring to it as 'Sleepless in Seattle', but hey this is the second night of being awake. Yesterday I spent the night trying to get to sleep - I was still awake at 5.30am!

I tried reading a book and the story scared me lots.

Lots of random thoughts seemed to pop into my head:

• Ooh I need to take my coat to the drycleaners, that red wine will have stained.
• What will I do if its stained?
• I hope there wasn't too much chilli in the dinner for grandad, I hope he is ok
• I wonder whether I should have poured water on the fire before I came up.
• Um should I go and check it?
• What course should I study at uni?
• Where should I study?
• Should I have eaten that cake before I came to bed
• I wonder what is happening in the cricket
• I hope mum and dad were ok with dinner being so late
• I wonder whether mum is watching the cricket
• I hope Hannah is feeling better
• What will I do if the laptop blows up before I get the photos off it?
• What is Dave can't save the laptop files?
• What is that noise?
• Why is it so cold in here?
• I could really eat a kebab
• Shall I read some more? maybe not I got scared earlier
• Why can I not get to sleep?

Alcohol Units 0, Cigarettes 0, Chocolate cakes consumed - Many, Calories 1775, Pounds gained 2, Pounds gained but then lost 2, Instances of getting stuck in clothes 2.

Bridget Jones Moment!

We live in an ever changing world where less is meant to be more, but in reality more is actually less! We get more things to make us happy. We constantly wonder whether we are good enough, will people like us? Do I look fat in this? We can't go out without looking good - who dictates what looks good?!!

Are we ever truly happy in our own skin?

We constantly compare ourselves to those around us and obviously we are not as good. We could never look as nice, we could never be that successful, we could never be that happy, we could never be ...........

Why do we put ourselves through it?

Over the last week as I have been resting and having a think about what and where next I have been struck by some of this. Still no idea what to do and increasingly feeling that maybe I won't make the grade, may be I won't be as good.

You get used to the old way and I am stepping into the unknown. Someone will have been there before, they will have done things their way, but what if you just don't compare, or meet expectations - what then? I have not been in this position for a very long time - its all new and it was different then.

Donald talked about a fear of doors last night - the fear of whether to knock, whether to wait, what will greet you on the other side. I feel a bit like that. But my problem is not doors it is the fear of not measuring up.

Is it worth the stress and hurt that we put ourselves through?

Alcohol Units 0, Cigarettes 0, Chocolate cake eaten lots, Calories 2129, Pounds gained 2.