A New Chapter

Well, I haven't blogged for nearly 2 months as I didn't really feel like it after Matt's birthday. However, now that I have something newsworthy to report I thought it was about time.

I am moving to Manchester - there it is, I said it. It is hard to believe that I am moving from a place that Matt and I called home. However my house has not felt like my home since Matt died. I have tried to stick it out and see if things would feel any different, but they don't - I feel like a guest in our home. Somewhere that used to be so amazing is now adding to my misery. I think when you have been somewhere that has been so lovely and then part of it is missing it never is the same. The thing is, it isn't 'our' home anymore - there is no Matt to cook dinner for, there is no Matt coming in asking whether you want a 'brew' or indeed whether you will be making one, life is not the same. While many of you go home to your other halves, your house mates or pets I go home to an empty house where a once larger than life couple used to live.

The thing is memories are not tied to a place or a building and so everything that was will still be with me in my memory and all but a couple of mine and Matt's things will be going with me too (I did not feel socks and boxers were appropriate items to keep!). I am very sad that the fireplace will have to stay, I am still coming to terms with that, but Mum, Dad and Dave are right it belongs in the house. Its not all our things that are the problem it is the building they are housed in. I did think about moving up the road I even saw a nice house, but I would be moving my unhappiness a couple of miles. If I am going to put on any weight, improve my health and not carry on walking round in circles in this thick fog then I need somewhere different - somewhere where I have some friends and some family. I didn't want to go somewhere where I didn't know anyone cause I would isolate myself further than I have already. I will miss family and friends but I will visit lots.

It will be very hard to let our home go, because it was ours, we chose it together, we lived there together, we have memories there together, so in one sense it feels like closing the door on what could have been (if Matt was still here), but I know it will never be. I will never forget Matt, he will always be in my life and hope you never forget him too, I love hearing peoples stories about him and that will always be the case so I hope you will keep talking to me about him cause yes I miss him all the time and those stories make me laugh and cry.

So to the north once again where hopefully the locals will understand my accent unlike some of you southerners (haha). I am scared because this is all unknown, but I can't think about what could go wrong or I would never do anthing. Matt took opportunities and risks by the scruff of the neck and did loads and so I need to do the same.



Alcohol Units 0, Cigarettes 0, Chocolate cakes consumed - Mamoth amounts, Calories - not nearly enough, Pounds gained 0, Pounds lost- would scare you, Possible alien abductions 2.