Plans for my 31st year!

Well I have been 30 for a few days now and to be honest it doesn't feel any different. I feel a little sad that I am no longer in my 20's. I also feel sad that Matt was right when he joked that I would catch him up soon!

The 20's ended with me being ill and the 30's began with me being ill!!!

I know I don't feel any different now I am 30 but things are going to change. Important decisions need making. Yet again, life will never be the same again....

In the next few weeks and months I need to decide - what next? That sounds simple written down - but its not - its life changing.

It's about a new job, possibly a new career, maybe retraining - A few ideas but no fixed plan - maybe a holiday - maybe traveling. I've no idea and that is exciting and scary all at the same time.


But I know one thing in some ways its freeing but in others a lonely place - no expectations, no hopes, no dream. So thats another thing - working out what my hopes and dreams are!


So then plans thus far:

1. Get well
2. Do handover at work - then I have left
   
3. Eat 3 meals a day
4. Gain 1 1/2 stone
5. Sort out remaining paperwork
6. Sort out the house
7. Have some thinking space
8. Have a holiday
9. Do something amazing!
10. Who knows whats next?

Life's full of change, I just hope good comes out of difficult and painful!

Nearly 30 aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Well in the next week I will be thirty. I thought I was ok with this but last week I freaked out a bit about it. 30 is a land mark - it is no longer 'in your twenties' it signifies something different. Am I ready to be 30 I ask myself - maybe not.

I find myself looking back at what I have done over the last 30 years - the best bits, the worst bits, and the run of the mill bits.

Best Bits:
Getting Married to Matt
Being part of a big family
Being a youth worker
Being in a youth group

Worst Bits:
Don't need to write anymore - you already know!


I have done a lot of things in the past 30 years - can't remember some (see last blog entry!) - here are some of the amusing things that have happened to me - ooh there are so many more than I have listed:

Years:
2) ran away with the boy down the road and walked hand in hand under a herd of cows!!
3) undid side of playpen and escaped
4) got a slide for Christmas and tried to drag it upstairs to show my mum.

skipping a few years.......
9) Elastic snapped in tracksuit bottoms just as I was answering the front door - trousers ended up round ankles!
10) Went to school with swimming costume under uniform for swimming and left my knickers at home!!!
13) First kiss - boy goes to kiss me and I pushed him out of the way, ran in the bathroom and threw up!! (I had previously eaten peanut butter)
15) Helped some Russian children with their English (yes they now have Chorley accents).
17) Horrid shower incident on youth camp!!!! (no more can be said)
19) Got stuck in a toilet cubicle at Uni and then a man tried to help me - and then there was me and a man stuck in a toilet cubicle!!
20) Did the Fancy dress for the uni ball - only 4 of us dressed up!!!
22) Had to be cut out of an item of clothing in a shop!!!
27) Laughed so much I wet myself!
29) Fell into the boot of my car!


Wonder what 30 will bring?

Mind Games!

Something that is driving me nuts at the moment.....

I have large holes in my memory. I can remember things now from when I was a child and a teenager, that I could not remember 2 years ago. But I can't remember things from the last 7 years. I try to piece things together by looking at photos and talking to people but its like having a 10,000 piece jigsaw with the outline done and all the middle missing.

Its strange really - there are things that I could do that I now can't, or can't remember how to - cooking is hilarious. I could cook well but over the last year and a half, nothing is ready in order, I burn things, I forget they are in the oven and generally the things I make are inedible!!! I could not remember how to light my fire, or that you don't wash George Foreman grills under running water!!! At work we were talking about activities we did last summer on our summer scheme - I had to ask whether I worked last summer!! Oh I was there I just don't remember. I saw some photos of one of the activities and it took a while to think I really was there.

I also say or do things and then realise that what I said or did was really clumsy, stupid and/ or funny. My brain does not seem to engage first, like it did - so have had some hilarious times. I fell into an archive box at work (they are pretty small), I fell into the boot of my car (legs dangling and everything), I called a lip brush a crisp, I picked up a Pyrex dish straight from the oven (not noticing it was hot for quite some time!!!!)

Although it is funny, it is very frustrating, cause although I am generally a bit scatty, this is insane even by my standards. It seems that my mind has compartmentalised parts of my life, anything traumatic or associated with it has been moved to a safe place (like when you think I will put those keys in a safe place so I can find them - but then you can't remember where the safe place is).

So is my mind playing games! Or just preserving itself for filing later!

Mood Music!!

Well I was chatting to a colleague yesterday who's mood and energy levels are definitely linked to the weather. When it is dull and rainy she moves more slowly and is more lethargic, and when it is sunny she bounces around like Tigger.

I am not sure whether my own moods are triggered by the weather - I know they are linked to food and sleep and if I am in need of both I get very grumpy. I have noticed throughout my life that music plays a big part in mood. My mood can be lifted by just one song. Most of you who read this and know me will know that I am definitely not a morning person and can be a little grumpy!! Well when I was at school this was also the case (surprise surprise) - however if 'Walking on Sunshine' was on the radio when the alarm went off I would dive out of bed and be dancing and happy. A few years ago I noticed that 'Hey Ya' had exactly the same effect!! Now I don't think any song would make me want to get out of bed in the cold.

Another funny one is 'Dancing in the Moonlight' by Toploader - this is my washing up song - I used to hate washing up (unless it was a cold day) but this song makes it fun.

I have noticed that if I'm having a rough day and 'Snow Patrol' music is played then I will suddenly not be having a bad day - how weird.

Well these are the strange observations I have noticed over the years!!

One of the things that drives me nuts!

I was shopping in the Bullring here in Birmingham yesterday. It is really great if you are into the whole shopping thing - and even if you are not the building that houses Selfridge's is a site to behold. I had gone to get a few presents. I was surprised to discover that it was very quiet for a Saturday (except Marks and Spencer's!!)

Well I was heading down one of the many escalators in the middle of the building when I discovered something that made me quite angry. What idiot decided to put 'The Bear Factory' (a shop which is generally full of Children) next to 'Ann Summers'? Probably the same idiot who put an ad for 'Mistresses' the new BBC drama on the TV at tea time. Do these people not think that Children may actually see these things!!!

Ooh makes me so annoyed. Children grow up quick enough without being subjected to stuff like that.

The Nuts and Bolts

Well New Year, New Blog. I took a leaf out of Mum's book. I saved my old blog so I can read it if I want to but enough now. Well this blog is going to be different. I want to get back to why Matt set one up for me in the first place - kind of. Originally I blogged about the madness of youth work, but I am a different person now so this will be different and probably very random!!